


a groupchat au or whatever

by trymebeyonce



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, F/M, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Just me trying to be funny, M/M, humor and crack basically, this story is just crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-16 17:09:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19322488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trymebeyonce/pseuds/trymebeyonce
Summary: wherearemyhearingaids: wow we’ve been friends for so long and this is how you repay mewherearemyhearingaids: i’m disgustedwherearemyhearingaids: i’ll be in the vents if anyone needs meironicman: **i’ll be in scott lang’s ass if anyone needs meORmy last brain cells at 3am in the form of a fanfic





	1. one

[the original avengers]

ironicman: hey chumps  
captainfreedom: tony?  
captainfreedom: what the heck?  
ironicman: lAuNgUaGe StEeB  
angryshrek: tony is this is necessary  
ironicman: in every way  
godofhammers: stark, do you know if we have anymore pop tarts?  
ironicman: last time i checked  
ironicman: n o  
godofhammers: ;(  
romanoffuck: tony what the actual fuck i’m gonna steak your kneecaps  
ironicman: not my kneecaps  
wherearemyhearingaids: why his kneecaps?  
romanoffuck: because, you uncultured swine uh  
romanoffuck: fuck you that’s why  
wherearemyhearingaids: wow we’ve been friends for so long and this is how you repay me  
wherearemyhearingaids: i’m disgusted  
wherearemyhearingaids: i’ll be in the vents if anyone needs me  
ironicman: **i’ll be in scott lang’s ass if anyone needs me  
romanoffuck: 😂😂😂  
captainfreedom: oh MY GOSH LANGUAGE  
wherearemyhearingaids: toNY  
ironicman: try and catch me, bitch 

[we’re the avengers, man]

ironicman: hey!!  
ironicman: how much does steve’s virginity cost??  
captainfreedom: don’t say it  
metalarmedbitch: tony i swear to god-  
ironicman: ONE BUCK  
captainfreedom: TONY  
metalarmedbitch: i’m  
wakandanmeme: AAAAGH I’M CRYING BUCKY’S FACE IS SO RED  
metalarmedbitch: shuRI  
wakandanmeme: my poor white boy lmao  
YEETer: oh my lord iRON DAD  
YEETer: that’s gross  
ironicman: i forgot there were children here-  
witchdoctor: how could you forget our own child was here??  
blackfurry: how could you forget my sister was here??  
ironicman: i have no fucking clue  
scottishlanguage: how could you forget i was here  
ironicman: you’re not a child though-  
scottishlanguage: i am at heart :,)  
ironicman: you do you, lang  
scottishlanguage: will do  
mercwithabigmouth: how could you forget i was here mr starky?  
ironicman: what do you mean?? you’re not here

>>ironicman has removed mercwithabigmouth<<

YEETer: D A D  
ironicman: whoops my bad  
YEETer: doctor mum bring wade back  
witchdoctor: sure okay  
ironicman: whAT NO DON’T

**witchdoctor has added mercwithabigmouth**

ironicman: are you really that easily convinced  
witchdoctor: when it comes to peter? yes…  
ironicman: i’m  
mercwithabigmouth: i’m back bitches  
YEETer: don’t remove him dad  
ironicman: no promises kiddo  
scottishlanguage: i feel like i’m watching some sort of late night drama show and i love it  
metalarmedbitch: oh my lord scott shut up  
scottishlanguage: :(  
wherearemyhearingaids: square up bucky imma floor you  
scottishlanguage: :)  
ironicman: i’m 

[#1 family sorry we don’t make the rules] 

**ironicman has added morgoona**

witchdoctor: it’s nice that the whole family’s here  
witchdoctor: but why did you add morgan???  
ironicman: i gave her a specially made phone just for her this morning and threatened me to add her onto this chat  
witchdoctor: or else???  
ironicman: she’d strangle me with her unicorn rope  
witchdoctor: she’s been hanging out with natasha too much  
ironicman: i know right i feel like together they’d be unstoppable and that scares me considering morgan’s five  
ironicman: anyway…  
ironicman: family assemble  
morgoona: what’s up daddy  
witchdoctor: we’re all in the same room why are you texting on this chat??  
witchdoctor: well expect you where are you  
ironicman: in the kitchen  
ironicman: also why didn’t you just say it out loud instead of texting here yourself hmm?  
witchdoctor: i did  
witchdoctor: but you all just groaned  
witchdoctor: suprisingly it was in unison  
witchdoctor: it was very impressive considering that you’re in a different room  
ironicman: oh  
harleYEET: we did??  
YEETer: i don’t remember :/  
witchdoctor: that’s because it’s my turn with the brain cell since we all share it morgoona: brain cell??  
witchdoctor: i forgot we have a five year old that can spell amazingly how is she doing that  
morgoona: i’m using the speech thing  
witchdoctor: oh is that why you’re speaking out loud into your phone  
morgoona: yes  
YEETer: anyway dad what was the family meeting about  
ironicman: what  
ironicman: oh i was just checking if it worked  
ironicman: and hEy  
ironicman: it did work :)))  
ironicman: that’s all  
witchdoctor: where’s the spider  
ironicman: i dunno it disappeared please help me  
morgoona: oh no i hate spiders!!  
harleYEET: i just heARD IRON DAD SCREAM  
ironicman: I FOUND IT  
ironicman: IT’S ON THE TABLE  
morgoona: DADDY I’LL SAVE YOU  
harleYEET: MORGAN NO DON’T BE SELF SACRIFICIAL  
ironicman: PETER DO SOMETHING  
ironicman: YOU’RE SPIDERMAN 

-YEETer is offline- 

harleYEET: peter literally swung out of the living room what a mood  
harleYEET: but now i’m all alone  
ironicman: what the fuck peter  
ironicman: oH MY LORD THANK YOU STEPHEN!!!  
morgoona: YAY THANK YOU MAMA  
witchdoctor: this is why i’m the one with the brain cell 90% of the time


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lmao people actually enjoyed this so here’s another one

[#1 family sorry we don’t make the rules] 

YEETer: do you ever just lay at night and wonder  
YEETer: do pokemon even wanna be caught??  
YEEter: like did you even ask for their consent???  
YEETer: these pokemon could have a wife and kids and a wonderful life  
YEETer: then us humans stroll in and catch them  
YEETer: without consulting them first??  
YEETer: without asking if they’re okay with us storing them in a small ball and forcing them to fight other pokemon??  
YEETer: like what if that pokemon is neighbours with that other pokemon??  
YEETer: what if they’re best friends??  
YEETer: what if they’re cousins??  
YEETer: what if thEY WERE ROOMATES??  
YEETer: not cool dude  
harleYEET: says the guy who’s playing pokemon go right now  
YEETer: oML I GOT AN EEVEE  
YEETer: i’m naming it “my uncle’s dead”  
harleYEET: i’m laughing???  
ironicman: what the fuck are you two doing up at 3am playing mindcrap  
harleYEET: first of all dad, language  
YEETer: second of all, it’s called minecraft not mindcrap  
harleYEET: third of all  
YEETer: we’re playing pokemon go not minecraft  
harleYEET: fourth of all sleep sucks  
ironicman: reasonable  
ironicman: wait no that’s a bad response stephen would kill me  
ironicman: fuck  
morgoona: fuck?  
ironicman: STEPHEN IS DEFINITELY GONNA KILL ME  
ironicman: uuuh that’s mama’s word not mine he owns it  
witchdoctor: don’t you daRE USE THE “THAT’S MAMA’S WORD NOT MINE” EXCUSE YOU EXPIRED CARTON OF MILK  
YEETer: i felt that  
harleYEET: why must you use such hateful words  
morgoona: expired carton of milk? is that bad  
YEETer: it’s super bad sis  
morgoona: mama that’s not good!!  
ironicman: wow strange  
ironicman: that was very harsh even for you i’m

[guardians of the galaxy chocolate bars] 

starqueen: morning bois  
buildabear: no one cares  
gamoroar: l i t e r a l l y  
starqueen: wtf guys i’m-  
godofhammers: darling it is alright  
godofhammers: i care for you :)  
godofhammers: drax why are you in our room  
starqueen: holy heck yeah  
starqueen: what the fuck dude  
invisibledude: what yoU CAN’T SEE ME-  
godofhammers: yes i can???  
starqueen: drax you aren’t invisible  
invisibledude: i’m not changing my username :(  
chickwiththeantenna: it’s okay drax you’re invisible to me :)  
invisibledude: shut up mantis :((  
chickwiththeantenna: oh  
chickwiththeantenna: :((  
invisibledude: :(((  
invisibledude: can you make me fall asleep  
chickwiththeantenna: of course i can :D  
buildabear: wow that was pathetic  
teenagetree: i am groot  
buildabear: no groot you’re not touching that thing again it’s melting your brain off if you even have one  
teenagetree: i am groot :(  
teenagetree: i am groot  
buildabear: well then i’m taking your phone away as well  
teenagetree: i am grOOT  
godofhammers: why must you use such inappropriate language??  
starqueen: jeez groot watch your language  
buildabear: i will not stand for this type of behaviour  
teenagetree: i am groot  
buildabear: i don’T CARE THAT YOU DON’T CARE  
nebulargh: shut the fuck up before i peel off all your eyelids  
nebulargh: except you gamora  
nebulargh: or the talking tree  
gamoroar: thanks sis :)  
teenagetree: i am groot :))  
buildabear: what the actual fuck i will flOOR YOU NEBULA  
godofhammers: i would not like my eyelids to be peeled off please  
starqueen: yeah like spare him pls  
nebulargh: no one shall be spared  
nebulargh: quill you’re first  
godofhammers: it was niCE KNOWING YOU QUAIL I LOVE YOU  
starqueen: whAT THE FUCK 

[we’re the avengers, man]

wherearemyhearingaids: guys read my username  
romanoffuck: yeah and??  
wherearemyhearingaids: do you know where they are???  
captainfreedom: i think they’re in the bathroom cabinet  
wherearemyhearingaids: right okay  
angryshrek: did you seriously just jump into the vents  
wherearemyhearingaids: you got a problem with that hunka hulka burning fudge  
ironicman: pfft 😂  
angryshrek: shut up stark raving hazelnuts  
witchdoctor: still chalky  
ironicman: i’ll show you chalky  
ironicman: ;))  
wherearemyhearingaids: you know what i actually don’t want my hearing aids anymore  
YEETer: you know what i actually wish i didn’t have enhanced hearing  
romanoffuck: you know what i actually wish the red room got rid of my hearing instead of my only way of producing my own children  
metalarmedbitch: you know what i actually wish i still had the voices in my head  
captainfreedom: guys no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was crap and so am i


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i’m trying to make this story really cracky so i’ll try and add more memes

[we’re the avengers, man]

scottishlanguage: can i tell a joke??  
scottishlanguage: please it’s really funny i promise  
scottishlanguage: you’ll be sobbing when i tell you it  
scottishlanguage: p l e a s e  
ironicman: i don’t care literally go fucking insane  
scottishlanguage: yay okay cool  
scottishlanguage: here we go you’re not ready for this  
scottishlanguage: my ex wife still misses me  
scottishlanguage: :))  
scottishlanguage: :)))  
scottishlanguage: :))))  
ironicman: ???  
scottishlanguage: but heR AIM IS GETTING BETTER  
scottishlanguage: hER AIM IS GETTING BETTER  
scottishlanguage: it’s funny because  
scottishlanguage: marriage is terrible  
ironicman: i’m-  
romanoffuck: i don’t know what’s worse  
romanoffuck: that joke  
romanoffuck: the fact i laughed  
romanoffuck: or that fact that’s probably true for you scott  
scottishlanguage: :((  
scottishlanguage: i mean sometimes maggie is nice but it’s mostly paxton who hates me  
wherearemyhearingaids: i’ve got my bow and arrow who am i killing  
scottishlanguage: aww bro :,(  
wherearemyhearingaids: i will always protect you  
wherearemyhearingaids: b r o 

[sneak up on your ass]

romanoffuck: dude you just got bro’d  
wherearemyhearingaids: i knOW 😩😔  
romanoffuck: i feel so bad for you oh my lord  
wherearemyhearingaids: i bet he was doing that adorable smile he always does when he sent that message  
wherearemyhearingaids: rocket was right he does look like a puppy  
wherearemyhearingaids: god i wanna hug him so badly  
romanoffuck: i didn’t ask you to get all sappy on my shithead  
wherearemyhearingaids: i’m-

[#1 family sorry we don’t make the rules]

**ironicman has added nebulargh**

witchdoctor: tony what have you done  
ironicman: i’ve adopted nebula that’s what i’ve done  
nebulargh: i guess i have to call you father now???  
ironicman: yes please  
nebulargh: and what about the wizard  
ironicman: the kids call him doctor mum or mama  
nebulargh: okay i shall call him mother  
witchdoctor: tony you can’t just go adopting every sad person you see  
witchdoctor: and do the kids even like her  
harleYEET: wait nebula is here!! heck yeah  
morgoona: yay more friends :)  
YEETer: yo we have another sister??  
YEETer: y e s  
nebulargh: it is nice to have an accepting family  
nebulargh: now i get to eat all the fruit without being told “iT’s NoT rIpe”  
nebulargh: it’s not ripe my ass!!  
witchdoctor: wow i’m not gonna ask about that  
nebulargh: don’T JUDGE ME MOTHER I HAVE ISSUES  
ironicman: i love my chaotic dysfunctional family

[we’re the avengers, man]

blackfurry: shuri why are you dressed up as a clown??  
wakandanmeme: it’s not a phase, brother!!  
wakandanmeme: i am truly ronald mcdonald  
wakandanmeme: don’t judge 😭😔  
blackfurry: i give up being your brother  
wakandanmeme: wait shit no  
YEETer: oh my  
YEETer: i’lL BE YOUR BROTHER  
YEETer: you can join our family!!  
wakandanmeme: Y E S  
wakandanmeme: THANK YOU 😭👊🏾🙏🏾💕  
YEETer: i love you bitch  
wakandanmeme: i ain’t never stop loving you, b i t c h  
blackfurry: shuri we need to go to that royal meeting thing  
wakandanmeme: meetings? i dunno about meetings  
wakandanmeme: it’s summertime  
YEETer: i love that vine 😂  
blackfurry: seriously shuri  
wakandanmeme: last time i checked  
wakandanmeme: i’m not your sister  
YEETer: bigGEST OOF

[#1 family sorry we don’t make the rules]

YEETer: i’m adding someone else to this family  
witchdoctor: temporarily?  
YEETer: i hope not 

**YEETer has added wakandanmeme**

wakandanmeme: wassup fuckers  
harleYEET: why do you have my phone  
wakandanmeme: fuck you that’s why  
witchdoctor: shit there’s three of them  
ironicman: is this about what happened on the “we’re the avengers man” chat???  
wakandanmeme: obvs  
wakandanmeme: i’m so thankful that you’ve accepted me to this family chat  
morgoona: hello shuri  
wakandanmeme: hey morgan  
nebulargh: hey is that fruit ripe, harley??  
harleYEET: last time i checked…  
harleYEET: no  
nebulargh: guess what i DON’T CARE  
nebulargh: i’LL EAT IT  
witchdoctor: is that healthy for an alien like you  
nebulargh: don’t know don’t care  
nebulargh: nOM NOM BITCHES  
ironicman: wow 

{next day}

ironicman: good morning chaotic family  
wakandanmeme: guess i call you dad now  
ironicman: guess so  
ironicman: also what the fuck are you wearing??  
wakandanmeme: g u c c i  
wakandanmeme: it’s a hello kitty onesie, man! how could you not tell  
ironicman: i’m-  
nebulargh: good morning father  
ironicman: hey, neb  
morgoona: daddy!!  
morgoona: peter keeps throwing away all the apples :(  
witchdoctor: please don’t ask why  
ironicman: what why  
witchdoctor: what did i literally just say  
ironicman: peter benjamin parker you leave those apples alone  
YEETer: NO  
ironicman: what the fuck why  
YEETer: i don’t wanna lose doctor mum  
ironicman: ???  
witchdoctor: peter an apple a day won’t keep me away  
YEETer: i’m not taking my chances 😭😭  
ironicman: O H

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there literally is no plot to this story  
> and yes the joke that scott told was a gravity falls reference because fuck you that show is amazing and still relevant


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i need help

[#1 family sorry we don’t make the rules]

wakandanmeme: sorry guys i’m leaving forever  
YEETer: no not my main bitch 😭😭  
wakandanmeme: t’choke has allowed me back into the family  
wakandanmeme: i did say no but then he said “i thought you bae, turns out you’re just fam”  
YEETer: w o w  
wakandanmeme: so OBVIOUSLY i had to go back to him  
wakandanmeme: sorry 👋🏾  
harleYEET: we will never forget you shureeeeee  
wakandanmeme: of course you won’t bitch i’m one of a kind 💁🏾  
wakandanmeme: no but seriously bye y’all  
morgoona: bye :(  
wakandanmeme: bye morgan :,(

>>wakandanmeme has left<<

YEETer: this is so sad karen play despacito 

[we’re the avengers, man]

witchdoctor: who the fuck is blasting lady gaga???  
wherearemyhearingaids: iT’S BRITNEY BITCH  
scottishlanguage: i’m crYINGS 😂  
YEETer: AAAAAGH  
wakandanmeme: ohMY  
mercwithabigmouth: OH MY LORD I LOVE BRITNEY SPEARS  
mercwithabigmouth: i want her to sign my inner left thigh  
ironicman: nO ONE IS SIGNING ANYONE’S INNER LEFT THIGH  
mercwithabigmouth: what about the inner right thigh?  
ironicman: N O  
mercwithabigmouth: WELL TOO BAD  
mercwithabigmouth: jokes on you, i already got someone to sign my inner right thigh  
YEETer: i’m scared to ask but who  
mercwithabigmouth: well i originally asked colossus but he just backhand slapped me on the right cheek which hurt like a bitch  
mercwithabigmouth: it didn’t help that negasonic teenage warhead started laughing at me  
mercwithabigmouth: BUT(T)  
mercwithabigmouth: then i got my best bro logan to do it for me :)  
ironicman: what the fuck did he sign onto your inner right thigh  
mercwithabigmouth: “you can stop being a bitch, but you’ll never stop being a hoe”  
YEETer: whAT THE HECK 😂😂  
wakandanmeme: D E C E A S E D  
wakandanmeme: 😂😂😂  
mercwithabigmouth: it’s true tho  
mercwithabigmouth: i will forever be the biggest hoe 💁  
YEETer: wow how am i dating you  
ironicman: i don’t know how are you  
witchdoctor: no one’s killing anyone  
mercwithabigmouth: aww that’s a shame  
mercwithabigmouth: i already killed three people this week  
mercwithabigmouth: but only because i get PAID to unalive people  
witchdoctor: i don’t think unalive is a word  
ironicman: iMMA KILL A BITCH  
YEETer: S T O P  
angryshrek: why am i even here 

[guardians of the galaxy chocolate bars]

starqueen: i’ve been chilling on earth for a day  
starqueen: and LEMME JUST TELL YOU I’M READY TO SUPPORT ANS STAN ARIANA GRANDE  
buildabear: NO ONE  
buildabear: C A R E S  
starqueen: what the fuck you trash panda who asked you  
buildabear: i do whatever the fuck i want  
buildabear: you’re not my dad  
starqueen: i used to call yondu that 😭😭  
buildabear: oH BOO HOO YOU’RE DAD DIED  
buildabear: suck it up quill that was years ago  
starqueen: shut the fuck up rocket  
nebulargh: rocket your mum buys you mega blocks instead of legos  
buildabear: i don’t know what mega blocks or legos are but i feel offended  
nebulargh: you should be  
nebulargh: what i just said is a powerful insult to terrans  
nebulargh: i’ve been hanging out with peter and harley for too long  
starqueen: oh yeah how’s peter junior  
nebulargh: still confusing but entertaining  
nebulargh: it feels nice to have a family  
starqueen: okaycooli’mnotinterestedanymore  
nebulargh: o h  
godofhammers: friENDS LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO THESE LOVELY POP TARTS THEY’RE AMAZING AND I AM SURE YOU WILL LOVE THEM SO  
starqueen: thor oh my lord why did you bring a centuries worth of pop tarts  
godofhammers: because i love them for centuries :D  
buildabear: jesus fucking christ  
teenagetree: i am groot  
godofhammers: of course you can have one, tree  
godofhammers: you can all have one  
chickwiththeantenna: ooh yay  
nebulargh: is it ripe?  
gamoroar: nebula what pop tarts don’t go ripe  
nebulargh: i DONT CARE  
starqueen: i’m in love with a guy who eats 250 pop tarts in one go  
godofhammers: pOP TARTS ARE DELICIOUS QUAIL  
starqueen: CALL ME QUAIL ONE MORE TIME I FUCKING DARE YOU THOT

[meme machine]

wakandanmeme: ooh bois whalecum to this new chat i’ve recently thought of  
YEETer: oh hey  
harleYEET: y e s s s s  
mercwithabigmouth: ooh let’s go gays  
mgayy: wow we have a meme chat now  
guyinthechair: yay this is all i’ve wanted  
YEETer: BRO 😭💕  
guyinthechair: B R O 💖  
mgayy: losers  
metalarmedbitch: wait why am i here  
wakandanmeme: you know memes too so yeet  
metalarmedbitch: *throws empty bottle*  
metalarmedbitch: yeah okay i understand  
wakandanmeme: our first objective  
wakandanmeme: we will spam this  
wakandanmeme: ʎɐɓ ɯnɯ ɹn  
YEETer: owo yes  
mgayy: wait me and ned aren’t in any of the chats tho  
YEETer: i’ll add you :/  
guyinthechair: oml i get to be in the same groupchat as the avengers!!  
YEETer: you’ve been in the same room as them  
YEETer: and you’re best friends with two of them  
guyinthechair: but still 😭😭😭  
mgayy: okay lets go 

[we’re the avengers, man]

**YEETer has added harleYEET, guyinthechair and mgayy**

ironicman: why’d you bring ned and mj  
ironicman: not that i hate them but they’re not really part of the avengers  
YEETer: ʎɐɓ ɯnɯ ɹn  
ironicman: okay??  
mgayy: ʎɐɓ ɯnɯ ɹn  
ironicman: shit  
guyinthechair: ʎɐɓ ɯnɯ ɹn  
ironicman: what are you doing  
captainfreedom: what the heck stop  
blackfurry: shuri was this your idea??  
wakandanmeme: ʎɐɓ ɯnɯ ɹn  
witchdoctor: STOP PLEASE  
harleYEET: …  
witchdoctor: do it and you’re grounded  
harleYEET: ⊥∩N ǝɥʇ sǝsɐǝld sıɥʇ  
witchdoctor: i’m-  
ironicman: that’s not better to be honest with you  
harleYEET: ʎɐɓ ɯnɯ ɹn  
witchdoctor: HARLEY  
mercwithabigmouth: ʎɐɓ ɯnɯ ɹn  
captainfreedom: I DON’T GET THE JOKE 😭😭  
metalarmedbitch: ʎɐɓ ɯnɯ ɹn

**captainfreedom has removed mgayy, YEETer, wakandanmeme, guyinthechair, harleYEET, mercwithabigmouth and metalarmedbitch**

onyourleftbitch: hA SUCK IT BUCKY I WAS ALWAYS STEVE’S FAVOURITE 

**captainfreedom has removed onyourleftbitch**

captainfreedom: :)  
ironicman: shit he learned how to remove people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⊥∩N ǝɥʇ sǝsɐǝld sıɥʇ

**Author's Note:**

> oh god  
> this is the beginning of a disaster  
> a good disaster i hope


End file.
